Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff's Guide to Intuitive Healing: 5 Steps to Physical, Emotional, and Sexual Wellness
In my book “Guide to Intuitive Healing” I discuss the difference between lust and love as well as techniques to enhance sexual wellness. Pure lust is based solely on physical attraction and fantasy--it often dissipates when the “real person” surfaces. It’s the stage of wearing rose colored glasses when he or she “can do no wrong.” Being in love doesn’t exclude lust. In fact, lust can lead to love. However, real love, not based on idealization or projection, requires time to get to know each other. Here are some signs to watch for to differentiate pure lust from love.
SIGNS OF LUST SIGNS OF LOVEAnother challenge of sexual attraction is learning to stay centered and listen to your gut in the early stages of being with someone. This isn’t easy in the midst of hormones surging, but it’s essential to make healthy relationship decisions. Here are some tips to help you keep your presence of mind when you’re attracted to someone. This needn’t pull the plug on passion, but it’ll make you more aware so you don’t go looking for trouble.
FOUR NEGATIVE GUT FEELINGS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS (from Guide to Intuitive Healing )Watch for:
Over the years, I’ve spoken at women’s prisons and domestic violence centers. My talk, "How Listening to Your Gut Can Prevent Domestic Violence," focuses on showing women how to identify and act on their inner voice. The gut senses a potential for kindness and violence. Many women who'd been in abusive relationships admitted, "My gut initially told me something was wrong--but I ignored it." The pattern was consistent. They'd say, "I'd meet a man. At first he'd be charming, sexy, sweep me off my feet. The electricity between us was amazing. I'd write off the voice in my gut that said 'you better watch out' as fear of getting involved. When later the abuse began, I was already hooked." Some gut instincts though, are anything but subtle. On a first date, one woman landed in the hospital with an IV, retching from "psychosomatic" abdominal pain. But did that stop her from seeing the guy? No. From these women we gain a real-world lesson: no matter how irresistibly attractive someone appears, close attention to your gut will enable you to see beneath exteriors.
It’s so much nicer to be involved with someone your gut likes. Then you’re not always guarding against a basic suspicion or incompatibility. You must also give yourself permission to listen to your gut when it says, “This person is healthy for you. You are going to make each other happy.” To be happy, take a risk, but also pay attention to the warning signs I presented. This allows you to wisely go for the fulfilling relationships you deserve.
CLICK ON LINK TO WATCH A VIDEO ON HOW TO MAKE INTUITIVE DECISIONS.
Comments (29)
Judith Orloff M.D. is a psychiatrist and author of Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life. Her other bestsellers are Positive Energy, Second Sight, and Guide to Intuitive Healing. Dr. Orloff combines traditional medicine with intuition, spirituality, and energy medicine. More information at www.drjudithorloff.com.
Comments
me like shit for a few months (ie: not a friend and not wanting to spend quality time with me). I learned to follow my intuition closely from that moment on.
meet healthy men given that I am a single mother- divorced now for 7 years and have rarely dated! HELP! Thank you- Peg
grief have affected how I move through decision making (regarding love intuition). One thing I really appreciate about your writings--the warmth that always comes through. It's a comfort! And Kristen, totally relate to the solar plexus thing when I was in
my 20s and 30s. Now it hits me in chakra 2 and 4 more, for some reason.
even talked about the difference between lust & love. He gave me a great explanation plus he had a beautiful body (not face-body). Then I understood what I couldn't ignore...he was a narsisisst and I wanted him anyway, he turned out to be cruel. FOLLOW YOUR
GUT-IT NEVER LIES!
Its a very good article I like it.
actually meant! ;) ;)
humour and more, and those feelings are reciprocated. I have loved 2 men in my life. Both died on me. I may have friends of the male persuasion, but I will never have love again... losing them is too hard.
send them quotes in emails. I wish you could see how fast I get rid of dangerous and draining people now. It's almost comical... I am polite but firm, and waste no time trying to please them. Finally, I get it. Thanks so much for your help!
in a game of lies. After 17 months I finally made the break and healed to forgiveness and compassion with the help of your book, "Emotional Freedsom". You are a wise woman Judith and thank you again.
pursue the relationship. but when i read that lust can lead to love, then i am still hopeful i can overcome that fear and hesistance.
so. We now have the agreement that if either of us has a bad feeling in any of our chakras, we will pay attention and least talk openly about it. We use pendulum dowsing to help us distinguish when an emotional discomfort is coming from inside either of us
or being captured from outside, and if it is from inside of us, from which part of us it originates. This practice has given us both an increasing appreciation for the value of pendulum dowsing, and we increasingly trust it as accurate or at least pointing
in the right direction.
why do you refuse to listen? Have the courage to Act Now.. Be Honest with yourself.. And release Yourself- BE Free! :-) Believe you deserve a much pure & better Love! I believe in you.. :-) Lots of Love, & Thank You dear Judith! Gil :-)
and long for "passion" (which of course "burns out") and not love which doesn't have enough excitement for them... I remember a presenter last year up in San Mateo at a TA conference and he said "If you hear bells and whistles and there are fireworks going
off... he suggests running! It seems from my work coaching hundreds of Highly Sensitive People over the years... it seems the more "passion" or lust at the beginning of a relationship the less chance there is of it will holding up, continuing and them staying
together. Sad, but true. HSP's think (or more correctly "feel" they are so intuitive that they just know they've met their "soul mate" and they often move too fast! As I say about HSPs in relationships on my HighlySensitivePeople.com website, quoting the old
Frank Sinatra's song, "Slow and easy does it every time!" Thank you for bringing up and discussing this subject!! All the best, Jim Hallowes
guts of developing a real foundation of strong lasting love. No matter the tempature of ones relationship, in the moment, the base root of any healthy relationship is open and honest communication. Not all relationships are perfect and we must remember that
each individual comes in with unhealthy history or patternization. Each individual seeking to be in a loving relationship must first understand themselves and how yes - past relationships - did affect and how they effect you now. Being aware is key for HSP's
and open expression to your partner is an absolute necessity. We as HSP's must create an atmosphere in the relationship to determine wether or not the person we are with has the capacity and faculties to respectfully understand our nature and live with our
moments. In return, we must respect our partner enough to turn off and let things be. It is our responsibility at any given moment to show up and know when to speak and when to hold. I say "hold" not withhold cause withholding can be a form of abuse or lying
to another. We must remember to always give your partner time to come to their own conclusions and allow for the evolution and development of a trusting foundation. Learning to communicate in a way that allows the other to express their emotions and feelings
equally. Bulldozing and believing that we are right all the time does not work regardless of what our gut is saying. Laughter and making light of our feelings even though expressing, takes the heavy off of our communication style. Thus we are not nailing the
other to the board so to speak. While intuition can send us in many directions -I strongly inject here, that again, it is up to us to BREATH and allow the true answer to come - not just top of mind. I am fortunate to have found a partner who is willing to
work in relationship with me this way and together we work from our hearts and minds as a means of truly understanding eachother on a much deeper level. Believe me when I say... It is worth the time and energy because once that connection and understanding
is made on a very basic level, many expansive opportunities for expression and sharing of genuine emotions and creativity begins to emerge. To me it has enhanced my perceptions of relationships in the world and how to interact in any given situation. The strengths
and weaknesses show and I have learned I don't always have to be on. In saying that - when you hit a point in your life that you know what you want and need in a partner and put it out there - it does come to you. God and Mother Nature do design the right
person for you. The lesson here for any HSP's is do your work first - know yourself and determine what you need to feel safe and heard - than be prepared to walk your talk and show up and follow through, no matter the level of where your relationship is at.
Lust to love or love to lust or the interplay that exists between the 2 modalities. It's all exciting and expansive when you are in the right frame of mind to receive genuine connection. The rest just naturally follows as a relationship evolves into what it
is meant to be as designed by God and Mother Nature. Knowing and discovering how your individual unique puzzle pieces fit together and trusting the knowing of the bigger picture verses getting bogged down in the small petty stuff that sucks the life right
out of you, is always the challenge in any relationship. Stepping back from fear and forging forward into genuine realness is where love exists. Be willing to Give space for each to evolve into that knowing and communicating and respecting eachothers emotions
in the moment. Be willing to hear what the other is saying even if you are hearing and interpreting it differently. How one hears, observes or interpretes what is being said is the key in determining the level of connection one has with another. Be willing
to ask for clarity and by being honest with how you hear or interpret what the other is saying is paramount for clear understanding. Be willing to share what you think and are observing. As HSP's we may tend to jump verses flow with and that can rock another
out of sorts. That is not the goal. The goal is to create a trusting environment where the other can relax in knowing they are not being judged but just read well. I have found when another is being genuinely honest with me they don't want to hide - they want
to be seen and heard providing they do know themselves and what they genuinely want. That can be scary for a partner who has never experienced that before but at the same time liberating. Breaking the old patterns and discovering what works for one another
is the road to developing a healthy loving relationship. When you know You know........
you actually do normally in a relationship? and he admitted it was not in fact his norm.) With another man, however, I learned the hard way to finally distinguish in my body what the feeling of physical attraction tinged with danger / stay away feels like;
fortunately I'm still alive and now that I've distinguished that one I wil NEVER proceed with anyone (male or female) when those sensations are present. Finally, I've noticed that when the intensity of my attraction to someone goes up, my presence and careful
consideration go down, so since the latest (minor) incident I'm practising taking pauses and writing out all that I do NOT know about the person which helps me regain perspective. Fortunately the work I've done with cognitive awareness(Ten Days to Self Esteem
workbook by David Burns is AWESOME for this) I'm more often than not catching the distorted thoughts that, if unchecked, would carry me further into relationships that are not in my highest and best interest. Only last month I extracted myself after only a
few weeks with a man who had many of the qualities I value but who was self-critical and therefore critical of others. Because of the depth of conversations, shared interests and physical attraction, it was only through noticing the energy drain after we were
together and then writing my thoughts and feelings that I became conscious of the subtle ways he critized and questioned me (I had noticed and felt compassion for the more obvious ways he was self-critical.) Thanks to the teachers, mentors and friends I'v
had over the years who've taught and modeled and encouraged healthier, conscious awareness and choices. Mahalo
after work and then at odd times on weekends. LUST can really make a person sick. Besides spending $1000s of dollars I was exposed to every STD there is. He was caught my a family member and has tuned his life around. Had I gone with my gut feeling this could
have been avoided or at lease nipped in the bud alot sooner.
time it brings out those deeper feelings of love.
other well over a proper period of time before getting involved emotionally and physically...It makes so much scence ..There is a harmony there that must be attained...in order for a relationship to endure ..Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with all
who seek it out...>(^-^)< The Lady SkyKatt RavenTail
generates a desire to be with someone irrespective of the internal bells going off inside, and some people rationalise this with "someone is better than no-one" despite the "risk" involved in taking this journey. Once on the journey when rationale kicks in
a person ends up justifying that staying with him/her despite their failings are better than being on my own! How do you teach people to get out of this addictive cycle?
without hurting her.....
i cry alot but she tell me she want to date me again i do care about her and i try to make her happy and shes my first girlfriend i use to tell her all the time but she dont trust me am a shy person i dont talk to girl alot but she alway think i does but i
alway tell her how i feel but think am playing her whenever she call me when she boring i will leave what am doing i will go there but am alway shy when i get to the place finally again she broke up with me without any reason and all her friend tell me everything
i had for her it lust if feel confuse and i cry i dont know how i feel