Dr Judith Orloff's Blog

The Health Benefits of Tears

Dr. Orloff - Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s new book “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life” (Harmony Books, 2009)

For over twenty years as physician, I’ve witnessed, time and again, the healing power of tears. Tears are your body’s release valve for stress, sadness, grief, anxiety, and frustration. Also, you can have tears of joy, say when a child is born or tears of relief when a difficulty has passed. In my own life, I am grateful when I can cry. It feels cleansing, a way to purge pent up emotions so they don’t lodge in my body as stress symptoms such as fatigue or pain. To stay healthy and release stress, I encourage my patients to cry. For both men and women, tears are a sign of courage, strength, and authenticity.

In “Emotional Freedom,” I discuss the numerous health benefits of tears. Like the ocean, tears are salt water. Protectively they lubricate your eyes, remove irritants, reduce stress hormones, and they contain antibodies that fight pathogenic microbes. Our bodies produce three kinds of tears: reflex, continuous, and emotional. Each kind has different healing roles. For instance, reflex tears allow your eyes to clear out noxious particles when they’re irritated by smoke or exhaust. The second kind, continuous tears, are produced regularly to keep our eyes lubricated--these contain a chemical called “lysozyme” which functions as an anti-bacterial and protects our eyes from infection. Tears also travel to the nose through the tear duct to keep the nose moist and bacteria free. Typically, after crying, our breathing, and heart rate decrease, and we enter into a calmer biological and emotional state.

Emotional tears have special health benefits. Biochemist and “tear expert” Dr. William Frey at the Ramsey Medical Center in Minneapolis discovered that reflex tears are 98% water, whereas emotional tears also contain stress hormones which get excreted from the body through crying. After studying the composition of tears, Dr. Frey found that emotional tears shed these hormones and other toxins which accumulate during stress. Additional studies also suggest that crying stimulates the production of endorphins, our body’s natural pain killer and “feel-good” hormones.” Interestingly, humans are the only creatures known to shed emotional tears, though it’s possible that that elephants and gorillas do too. Other mammals and also salt-water crocodiles produce reflex tears which are protective and lubricating.

Read more on the benefit of tears and how they can improve your health.

Comments (2)

Judith Orloff M.D. is a psychiatrist and author of Second Sight, Emotional Freedom and Positive Energy. www.drjudithorloff.com

Sneak preview of Dr. Orloff's Dec PBS Special "Emotional Freedom Now!”

Dr. Orloff - Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Dear Friends,

Check out this sneak preview of my upcoming PBS special "Emotional Freedom Now!" based on my book Emotional Freedom. This segment is Transform Frustration with Patience, something we all need to know. I am excited to preview my new show on my blog. Hope you can check it out on your local PBS station in December!

Peace,
Judith

Comments (3)

Judith Orloff M.D. is a psychiatrist and author of Second Sight, Emotional Freedom and Positive Energy. www.drjudithorloff.com

Comments

Anonymous commented on 31-Dec-2009 08:00 AM

Dr Orloff - I picked up your book on CD just to listen to something while driving to work. I did not pay much attention at first as for me this was yet ‘another book to kill the time with’. Somewhere along the way, while listening to your book the tears started dropping down my face. I knew since I was a little kid that there was something different about me, and many times because of me being intuitive/emotional empath I felt like I am from 'another planet'. Your book gave me freedom and brought new meaning to my life. It's like finally after so many years of my life I was given the right diagnosis and permission to explore the gift I have to the maximum. I finally can start living my life to the fullest. Thank you so very much for this book. I look forward to see your show on PBS.

Liberation On My Lunch Break commented on 04-Jan-2010 11:47 PM

Dr. Orloff, I love your blog and website. Thank you for sharing your positive spirit with the rest of us.... With love, Jason Galbraith

Jane Jones commented on 11-Mar-2010 07:47 PM

Dear Dr. Judith Orloff: Intuitive Psychology/Psychiatry is a fascinating field of study. The PBS tape was also truly thought provoking in it's truthful and open nature. I did find humourous the description of the deceased not "seeing it that way". This may be entirely true, as maybe the dead don't really feel dead they are just transformed into some other matter of which we have no idea as of yet. Maybe someday this energy/matter will be more defined and we will see beyond the veil of death into new worlds. In similar like vein, intuition is far from understood. Thank-you for your multiple talents. Are you delving into Cosmic Consciousness of Dr. Bucke (from London Ontario)? This new intuitive sense makes sense when trying to heal the whole person rather than bits and pieces of aberrant personality. There is something, not understood in the nature of patients suffering with certain psychic sensitivities. It takes much sensitivity as an analyst to uncover the complex psyche of patients with these special gifts. Sensitivity making people prone to be misunderstood, and therefore, unloved. With love psychic healing takes place. Sensitives usually cannot handle what other non-sensitives can tolerate. As far as love is concerned the sensitive is probably less able to dispense with the very force that shapes them. Love cannot, does not live in shadowy spaces. For love to flow all forces of nature, misunderstood should be understood or at least partially understood. It is the ability of being open to the very real possibility that our world is wider than our definitions of it to date. This is why I am glad to find someone who can appreciate the nature of the artist and the nature of the intuitive. Often misdiagnosed and further harmed by hurtful labels and handling. Thank-you for your wonderful and creative energies! Jane Jones

Suicide: A Beyond Time and Space Perspective

Dr. Orloff - Monday, July 27, 2009

Dear Community,

I wanted to share with you my intuitive take on suicide in this excerpt from "Emotional Freedom." Feel free to share with friends or whoever can benefit.

In healing,
Judith

Suicide: A Perspective Beyond Time and Space

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s new book “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life” (Harmony Books, 2009)

The dark night of all dark nights is the hopelessness of wanting to die.

In this state, you can see no promised land beyond depression.

Over the years, several of my patients have attempted suicide. One did die: a heavy metal rocker with a sapphire-blue Mohawk and a sensitive soul. But super-stardom could never allay his depression or persistent back pain for which none of the many specialists he consulted could locate a medical cause. Legions of fans revered him, but he didn’t revere himself. He felt happy and pain-free only on stage, immersed in his music and adulation. When he killed himself, we hadn’t met for many months, but I was deeply saddened. I’d been his safe place for two years; we’d been very close. I did everything I could think of to help him, but he was on a runaway course. Plus, he was surrounded by shark-like managers who urged him to go on tour despite his precarious condition. Intellectually, I realized all this, but still I lamented my inability to save his life. I’ll always miss him. I’ll always recall those days I’d visited him after a previous suicide attempt. He was on a locked psychiatric ward along with others who were psychotic, suicidal, and homicidal. To me, it’s a crime to put someone who’s depressed in with that mix. I wish I could’ve sent him to a peaceful retreat with sunlit porches and hammocks to dream on. But our mental health system isn’t organized like that. All those needing intensive care go to the same hellish ward in traditional hospitals. So I saw him there until he was no longer suicidal. Against my advice he went back on the road too soon. I was greatly afraid for him. Then, four months later, I got the call: he was found dead in his London hotel room after slashing his wrists.

Most suicides are preventable with skilled interventions. I know people--including those on a spiritual path--who at dark times have considered taking their lives. (Suicide is the eleventh leading cause of death among Americans.) If you’ve had these thoughts, they’re nothing to be ashamed of. But I also know that suicide isn’t the answer. Freedom comes when you persist in searching for the light until it’s visible again.

In service to our growth, life asks an extraordinary amount of us. That used to anger me. Some situations seemed unendurable. Watching my ebullient, talented mother waste away from cancer, struggling to find strength to be there for her without disintegrating, I’d inwardly protest, “I can’t do it. I don’t have it in me.” But I did--and had to see that. So must you. Try to keep reaching beyond pain towards a greater power within. My spiritual teacher says, “Heaven is not a dead-end road.” With hope and the proper support, you will find it.

For years I believed suicide was an option we had the right to choose if things got rotten enough. I no longer feel this way except, possibly, with terminal patients in constant physical agony. From deepening my intuition, I came to realize that holding onto suicide as an out separated me from the essence of living. A commitment to staying in my body through it all was mandatory for being fully alive. Thus, to be more present, I’ve vowed to follow the wisdom of whatever life brings.

Weigh this critical point: Leaving your body doesn’t make emotional challenges disappear. The soul’s work continues. What I intuitively sense about its destinations is that who you are here is who you’ll be there too, albeit without the physical form you’re accustomed to identifying with. I don’t mean this punitively. I’m simply saying you’ll eventually have to face your demons. Personally, I’d rather do it now than drag out the ordeal. I prefer to go onto other things. For those who believe in past lives, facing the self is unavoidable. Whether now or in distant eons, you must do it. This is good. This is purifying.

I’ve had an ex-boyfriend and some acquaintances commit suicide when depression became unbearable. Two by overdosing, one with a gun. Though I wasn’t in regular contact with these people at the time they took their lives, I was notified by mutual friends the day each suicide happened. While I was shaken by both these losses and the terrible desperation that must have occasioned them, I was also curious about where these people went and their subsequent state of being. So I tuned in, simultaneously inquisitive and anticipatorily weary about the kinds of pain I’d encounter. What did I find? None of them were in places I’d ever want to be, and each felt utterly lost. Always there was severe confusion, a swirling-through-limbo vertigo that made me nauseous. Where they were at felt like the alarming, abrupt plummeting of an airplane during turbulence--but cube that by the speed of light and picture if it didn’t let up. Still, despite the dire straits they were all clearly in, I also intuited a beneficent force surrounding them, though it didn’t seem as if they recognized it. They felt totally alone. When tuning into the lawyer who’d shot herself in the head, I found her disorientation was so jolting I could barely stay with it. This panicked woman had no idea where she was. Dizzying, disjointed memories of her life were bombarding her at such speed, “overwhelmed” didn’t begin to describe her condition. I suspect it took a while to find her bearings and proceed to a calmer place. From what I could intuit, the violence of her suicide made the transition even more chaotic. Once I got the gist of her experience, I wanted out of that vision so I didn’t risk absorbing such angst.

I share my perceptions with you to offer what I sensed about suicide. As you can see, it may not be a way out of anything, as many depression sufferers envision. Though the pain in question may be temporarily put on the back burner, suicide seems to create another set of problems and a tumultuous journey. Even so, I’m certain that the soul eventually finds clarity and gets all the chances it needs to master emotional obstacles.

My duty as physician and healer is to talk people out of suicide. I can be effective because I absolutely know there’s hope for everyone and that depression is a distortion. It swallows the light, making misery seem like the only truth. But it is not. You must remember that. If ever suicide starts looking good, stop, regroup, and fight to find hope. Reach out for help. Don’t be seduced by the voice of depression.

Comments (7)

Judith Orloff M.D. is a psychiatrist and author of Second Sight, Emotional Freedom and Positive Energy. www.drjudithorloff.com

Comments

Michael David Lawrience commented on 29-Jul-2009 12:17 AM

I agree that after death & also death from suicide we still exist in another realm. As an energy healer, I have had contact with such souls. The emotional challenges these souls faced on Earth still carry over with added pain and suffering because the soul is lost and confused. The following illustrates a few ideas about suicide from a book I am writing on healing emotional trauma, Transforming Your Emotions. "Suicide . . . interferes with soul purpose," says Alice Bailey, Esoteric Healing. One of the “Four Thoughts That Turn the Mind” in Buddhism focuses on the preciousness of human life. With obtaining a human birth, the ending of suffering becomes possible and gateway for liberation opens. If we end our life through suicide, we obstruct the fulfillment of our soul’s purpose for that lifetime. Alice Bailey who founded a school of esoteric teaching at the age of 15 attempted suicide because of an unhappy childhood. A mysterious stranger walked into her room, sat beside her, and stated she should prepare herself for an important mission. Bailey through Lucis Trust produced 24 books, which have greatly contributed to knowledge of the hidden truths behind all religions. Esotericists who study hidden knowledge have seen where human souls go after death. One of these, Rudolph Steiner, an Austrian philosopher and educator, talks about the afterlife state of someone who has committed suicide. "When the separation is as sudden and violent as it is with the suicide . . . then immediately after death he feels the loss of the physical body very keenly and this causes terrible pains . . . the suicide feels as though he had been plucked out of himself . . . his feeling of deprivation when he finds himself without a body is unspeakably severe."

Malin commented on 01-Aug-2009 10:12 AM

I totally agree with everytning you say, Judith. I do believe in grace, in praying, in asking for help, in trusting the flow of life... The only problem is... what works for you and so many other peope doesn´t seem to work for me. Believe me,I´ve asked for help. I prayed. I trusted for 44 years. (and I am in therapy!) But the inner pain and loneliness I've felt since I was 4 years old doesn't go away. It's very much the same. Or worse. In the comments to your thoughts about suicide one of your readers writes about Alice Baileys suicidieattempt "A mysterious stranger walked in to her room, sat beside her and stated that she should prepare herself for an important mission." That´s great. But what about the ones who doesn´t get to see a mysterious stranger, who are just left alone in our pain? When I made my suicide attempt four years ago I called alot of people and asked for help, but no one came, and I stayed in my apartment alone for three months. During that time I prayed intensivly but God was extremely quiet...How come some people get to see a mysterious strangers and others are just left lying in their own vomits, in total silence? I can´t help but think that god is very selective when it comes to answering in an understandable manner. Sorry if I sound sarcastic. I am just very, very tired right now. I wanted so much to live a positive, loving life and to connect with god. But it doesn´t seem to happen. Anyway. Thank you so much for your work. It has meant alot to me. Malin, Sweden

D.Scott Arant commented on 06-Aug-2009 09:01 AM

Beautiful article. Thanks so much. It is heart rendering to say the least when one of your loved ones wants to end their life. This dissertation on suicide is very good and allows one to feel hope on a higher level of consciousness.

Jannette Wright commented on 25-Sep-2009 12:11 PM

also being an intuitive empath, I was depressed most of my life,living with the darkness..something happened quite miraculously.. I rode a ride called the slingshot at a state fair.. it flung one into the air at a startlingly fast speed.. afterwards no depression whatsoever!!! I think it was a natural shock therapy I encourage all to do it.. what do you have to lose but the darkness..I wish inner peace to all..love and light Jannette

Jasmine commented on 28-Dec-2009 04:19 PM

I discovered you today on Barnes and Nobles. I was looking for a book on how to control emotions and your book was among the titles that came up. Even though I haven't purchased your book; reading the excerpts from your book and reading the above entry brings a sense of calmness to me. I can feel the sincerity through your words. This is something you're passionate about. Helping people is a beautiful thing. I hope more people find your website and books to help them get through the inner turmoil they are experiencing.

Joyce Rosa commented on 10-Jan-2010 08:28 PM

In "Native American PostColonial Psychology" by Duran & Duran it states, "Suicide has not always carried the stigma that it presently has within the traditional community. There were ways in which an individual could cross over if s/he decided to end his/her life. The approach to suicide varied from tribe to tribe, and it is best to conuslt with traditional healers in order to become better versed in the area of suicide in a traditional context" (178). "Cross over" from my perspective does not sound like it is a violent act as is most suicide. Please don't take this one quote out of context as there is other discussion about suicide and the loss of balance. I would love to discuss why the mental health system is so disorganized with you Dr. Judith. I found an article written by you in Psychic Reader which led me to your site.

SherwinJTB commented on 02-Apr-2010 09:55 AM

Peer pressure has a tremendous amount of pressure on people. Kind of like my father who is always worried in what to tell my relatives about me. I am tired of having to live up to other people's expectations. I just want to live the way I want and be happy. Talking about it helps, but nothing will change unless the environment does. Sending people to a psychiatric ward isn't exactly the best solution. Suicide Prevention in Your Life

If It Be Your Will

Dr. Orloff - Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Dear Ones,

Emotional Freedom is about trusting the flow of life, trusting, trusting, trusting. When I meet resistance in myself, when I push too hard, when my desires overcome my intuition, this Leonard Cohen song "If It Be Your Will" realigns me. It softens all that is rigid in me and I can breathe into the flow again. Hope you enjoy it.

Peace and love,
Judith

A passage in Emotional Freedom that addresses clenching versus flow and what to do when things aren't happening on your time table is in Chapter 7 Facing Frustration, Building Patience on Page 183.

Comments (5)

Judith Orloff M.D. is a psychiatrist and author of Second Sight, Emotional Freedom and Positive Energy. www.drjudithorloff.com

Animals and the power of Love

Dr. Orloff - Friday, May 01, 2009

I love animals. They are powerful conduits of unconditional love. My editor wanted me to remove this story from "Emotional Freedom" about a dog's compassion because it wasn't between two humans. I disagreed and kept it in. Here is an excerpt from the last chapter of the book called "Facing Anger, Building Compassion". I hope you like it. I hope you know that love exists between all sentient beings.

Judith

Compassion also provides the crucible for healing miracles to occur. One of my workshop participants told the following story. Two years before, she’d longed to get pregnant but she had a rare, serious type of kidney disease. Her doctor warned that pregnancy would overly stress her body, even endanger her life. Still, this woman’s desire for a baby was so strong she decided to risk it. Fortunately, she stayed well those nine months and her disease stabilized, which isn’t typical during pregnancy, a great relief to her, her husband, and the doctor. However, in that same period, her young Golden Retriever, her constant companion and ?soul-mate? with whom she was so attuned, was diagnosed with kidney failure. Soon after the birth of her daughter, this loving animal died, as if having held on just long enough to see her through.

Though cynics would dismiss as “mere coincidence” the fact that both contracted the same rare disease--especially when the dog had been perfectly healthy--I read this quite differently. For me, it seems rather to be a moving reminder of the interconnectedness of our hearts and the power of compassion. There was a special love between this woman and her dog. Could it be possible for one life to so empathize with another that it can sense, even assume illness? Certainly, something to contemplate. As a physician I know that love can create miracles that defy logical explanation. Selfless giving resonates with such mystery. How wondrous and far reaching compassion can be among all living beings. Each of us is capable of limitless love. The monumental implications of this fact continue to reveal themselves over the years, always giving me chills and re-clarifying my emotional priorities.

Excerpted from "Emotional Freedom" by Judith Orloff MD

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Comments (2)

Judith Orloff M.D. is a psychiatrist and author of Second Sight, Emotional Freedom and Positive Energy. www.drjudithorloff.com

Get 100 free gifts with Emotional Freedom!

Dr. Orloff - Saturday, April 04, 2009

Greetings everyone--

I'm so excited Emotional Freedom came out this month and hit the NY Times Bestseller list! I couldn't have done it without your beautiful support. I thank you with all my heart. To get your copy of book with 100 free gifts from Dr. Christiane Northrup, Dr. Bruce Lipton, Dr. Michael Beckwith and more here is the link!

Purchase book and claim gifts at:
http://drjudithorloff.com/emotional-freedom-promotion

With gratitude,
Judith

EMOTIONAL FREEDOM
NEW BOOK HELPS YOU STAY BRAVE,
POSITIVE, AND INTUITIVE
A heartfelt, accessible guide to a graceland
of peace and calm, regardless of our
parents, our past, or our present.
Christiane Northrup, MD
Greetings,

Judith Orloff MD, bestselling author and UCLA psychiatrist, invites you on a remarkable
journey where you can embrace more happiness and mastery over negativity than you
may have ever known. Our world is in the midst of a meltdown. She describes how to
stay intuitively and spiritually centered in our times.

In "Emotional Freedom" Dr. Orloff states:
"I’m presenting the unique process I use with patients to view emotions as a path to
spiritual and intuitive awakening. I synthesize traditional medicine with energy
medicine to offer you new tools to master emotions and become heroes in your own
life. Inner peace leads to outer peace in the world.”

Publisher's Weekly's review of “Emotional Freedom" says this:
"Dr. Orloff regards emotions as a training ground for the soul, and views "every victory
over fear, anxiety, and resentment as a way to develop your spiritual muscles.""
“Emotional Freedom” has rave reviews from Deepak Chopra, Dr. Candace Pert,
Christiane Northrup MD, Caroline Myss, Dean Ornish MD, and Mary Oliver, Pulitzer
Prize winning poet. They call it "Spectacular," "A must-read," "A heartfelt, accessible
guide," and "Resolutely compassionate."

Hope you enjoy the book!
Judith

Comments (6)

Judith Orloff M.D. is a psychiatrist and author of Second Sight, Emotional Freedom and Positive Energy. www.drjudithorloff.com

Comments

Alexa commented on 05-Apr-2009 02:01 AM

Good morning. I am more and more convinced that our happiness or unhappiness depends more on the way we meet the events of life than on the nature of those events themselves. I am from Israel and bad know English, give please true I wrote the following sentence: "Aerosvit ukrainian airlines representative in new." Regards 8-) Alexa.

Eileen commented on 22-Apr-2009 08:40 AM

Good Morning, I purchased your book from from ITunes and did not receive the PDF file, how can I get a copy so I can get the most value from the book and your knowledge? Regards, Eileen

Eileen commented on 22-Apr-2009 08:40 AM

Good Morning, I purchased your book from from ITunes and did not receive the PDF file, how can I get a copy so I can get the most value from the book and your knowledge? Regards, Eileen

Yvette commented on 23-Apr-2009 04:44 PM

I am reading Emotional Freedom right now and I cherish the invaluable information it contains. It came to my attention after praying about needing some special guidance. It is a delight to read, because it is beautifully written. I highly recommend it to everyone - it is filled with compassionate guidance. A real treasure!

lisa commented on 18-May-2009 06:27 PM

Hello, I also purchased and downloaded this wonderful book online (from emusic.com). I haven't been able to find the PDF file mentioned in the book -- either from emusic or from this site. I'm very much enjoying listening to the book and, like Eileen, I would love to get a copy of the PDF to get the most benefit from the book. I hope someone will respond to my note and Eileen's note with helpful information. Thank you!

Anonymous commented on 25-May-2009 09:13 PM

Please email judith@judithorloff.com to get pdf that goes with the i tunes version of Emotional Freedom. On a few computers this has been a problem downloading it.

How To Deal With A Narcissist-A Topic From Emotional Freedom

Dr. Orloff - Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Dear Readers,

To nurture and protect your emotions, it is important that you learn to identify narcissists. These people are self-obsessed, lack empathy and can suck your energy dry. They can turn on the charm, but they are about as charming as a banana peel when you see through them. Do not fall in love with one!! Hope my new video on this topic sheds some light on this topic.
Peace,
Judith

How To Deal With A Narcissist

Comments (11)

Judith Orloff M.D. is a psychiatrist and author of Second Sight, Emotional Freedom and Positive Energy. www.drjudithorloff.com

Comments

Anita commented on 24-Jan-2009 08:27 AM

An emotional vampire in the form of a paranoid, obsessive-compulsive narcissist came into my life on 29 December 2008. I am still trying to pull myself out of his gravitational orbit. I am an intuitive counsellor and Shamanic practitioner and cannot believe how deeply entangled our energies have become. What a two-edged sword this is. I made a sacred vow to help create a more compassionate world, yet my compassion for this man (a very old family friend) has got me in this pickle! I have never met anyone who has brought up in me such a desire to run as far away as I can geographically get without leaving the planet. Very torn between my intellect and my intuition at this time. Mostly wondering what it is about my energies that has attracted such a person to me. If narcissists cannot be cured, then what is it within me that is being called to be integrated and resolved? What if a narcissist/energy vampire comes into your orbit; is attracted to you like a moth to a flame and your agreement with them, is to help them awaken instead of evicting out of your life completely? My emerging perpection is that the Narcissist is a combination of all 4 guardian archetypes: child, prostitute, victim and saboteur and if NPD is a personality disorder that is increasingly being 'diagnosed', then it seems to me that those of us who work with Archetypal Energies may have our work cut out for us. Then again, this man could simply be a lesser demon from Hell; in which case I will tell him to kindly go away. Man, it bites being an empath.

Luccia commented on 29-Jan-2009 10:21 AM

Thank your for this posting and video. I so much wish this information had been around 5 years ago when I first got involved with a man who fits this description 4 out of 5 of your points. If people generally knew much more about this, as they are starting to do now, it would save so much grief. It is a long hard road to recover and even detach from an intimate association with such a person once it has begun. They are so beguiling and validating at first, and then so devaluing and dangerous to self esteem.

San commented on 09-Mar-2009 03:46 PM

I came upon this post at a good time. It speaks to the dynamics of an incidental business relationship that has been wearing on me. Thank you, Judith, for your insights.

PJ commented on 16-Mar-2009 11:28 PM

I am working on leaving a 20 year friendship with a very troubled narcarcist. My compassion enabled her to use & abuse me. No more. As you said they don't change, she only got worse. I had to realize that, and make the break for me. For my mental health. The jealousy was the worst. It never stopped. It just kept growing. Very scary stuff. thank you.

Tricia commented on 16-Jun-2009 01:47 PM

I have been learning more about this term "narcissist" and the character traits of such a person. My daughter's father is such a person and the level of stress in dealing with him in our 'coparenting' (a legal term only) relationship is draining. My daughter is 6 and I recently I realized that I cannot spend 12 more yrs banging my head against the wall, walking on eggshells, convincing him to think of his child's well being before his own 'time/budget' and 'travel schedule'. For 6 yrs, I was very generous to him as parents - taking all/most of the responsibilities of raising our child. And while I was my generous self, things were fine - he would gift me with things, monetary rewards to his lack of attention to our child's need and a 'let-keep-her-distracted-while-I-do-nothing' parenting rewards. Then as my exhaustion level increased, my sanity wavered, my temper rose and my self-esteem crashed I realized that I needed to change things. So I started to heal that inner child that wanted to please everyone at the risk of her own soul (I am a survivor of child sexual abuse) and started to set boundaries and share the responsibilities of raising our child - what a backlash! And while I am holding firm, I am tired and worried that while I am dealing with the anger, frustration and hurt that I feel in my body/mind/soul, I am damaging the relationship with my daughter (who is at the worship daddy stage) and barring the door for my soulmate to come into my life. Are there any advice for parents who have to deal with narcissistic ex's?

highhope commented on 25-Jun-2009 10:28 AM

I have been researching to try to figure out IF my boyfriend has NPD. Although I MAY be kidding myself, I don't think it has gotten to the point of a "disorder" but I worry that the older he gets, the worse he will get. OR that if I continue to "allow" the selfish behavior, am I the one making it worse? Am I an enabler? I see so many of these articles and videos and I think, ya know, this does sound like him, but he's not ALL of those things. YES, he does not take my feelings into consideration if there is something he wants to do, or if there is someone he wants to spend time with. YES, he does as he pleases, when he pleases, and NO ONE is to question his motives, least of all, ME. However, if I were to do those same things, then I obviously don't care about him. NO ONE is as good as he is, and if someone says I can,...he has a need to "one up" them. One argument he stated that IF I cared for him, he would always have clean windows in his nice large home, which I don't share with him at this time. It seems that if we have a disagreement, he will NEVER take responsibilty or say he is sorry, without some form of justification. Which in turn , makes me feel bad about myself. YES, he tells his friends portions of our disagreements, but of course, only the portions that make me look bad, yet I am SUPPOSED to always put him on a pedastal, no matter how he wronged me, since I am the one at "fault" for everything (in his mind). Am I kidding myself? IS he a narcissist? Or just a typical male? How can you determine the difference from an actual disorder, or the "tendencies"????

martha commented on 08-Jul-2009 01:29 PM

thank you for your information. im trying to hold on to it before going under. i fell for a narcissist in the worst way and cant shed this fatal attraction. he is the model for an emotional vampire. i cant believe i am an educated 53 yr old woman that cannot put this monster into perspective. i feel the life being sucked out of me but i am so desperate for that closeness that i cant stay in control. its very scary

rnamok commented on 09-Jul-2009 09:19 PM

Dear HighHope, YES, you are kidding yourself. Your man is a narcissist! It is very difficult to get disentangled from these folks, but the sooner you start the process the sooner you'll be free. Do Not Have Children with these folks, then, as you can read above, you have to stay connected to them for the rest of your life, really. I am divorcing a passive-aggressive narcissist now (started 2 years ago and still have not completed the process... bcz they are incapable of compromise). Plain and simply: RUN AWAY.

Mel commented on 19-Jul-2009 09:57 PM

I am romantically involved with a passive-agressive narcissist and have fallen in love over the last 3 years. I am just coming to this conclusion of him being NPD after wondering what I could have possibly been doing wrong within the relationship. The other problem is that I am a very strong empath and have always assumed that it was my fault when I was taking on his characteristics, the strongest being his underlying fear and need to control. I am in the process of trying to extract myself and am feeling horribly overwhelmed. I am thankful that I've found your book at just the right time in one of the most difficult times of my life.

anana commented on 10-Aug-2009 03:23 PM

Judith Orloff continues to be an inspiration to me and reaches out through her books to touch so many of us in need of her wisdom, intellect and love.I am so grateful to share a place in time with her as she shares her gifts with all of us. I attended her Positive Energy workshop several years back in Big Sur . I learned so much about myself that week. She connected with me at a moment when the lump in my throat was cutting off the blood to my brain. Out of a crowd of several hundred, she zoned right in on me at that moment and said to me "Are you OK?", from that moment I knew this woman was the REAL DEAL. I was "brought" to that seminar. I was "led" to her Positive Energy book, and more recently, I was "led" to her new book, Emotional Freedom. At the times in my life when I have thrown my hands up and say, "I GIVE...", another powerful message comes thru from Judith.... I can see that she does the same for others. She has really touched me.. What an amazing gift.. I was raised in a family with a narcissist. Never really knew the meaning of word til a few years back. But I know the narcissist well. My older brother is one. I fell in love with one... so charming, so good lookin, so smart, you just want to be with them...10 years of my life I invested in a relationship with a narcissist. Being a bit of a pollyanna, I kept holding on to all the good he has, and is, and yes there is a lot of that too, but what bad happened was really bad. I became depressed, sick a lot, withdrawn. My self esteem crashed hard. I was also raising a teenage son, had a stressful job and was in love with a narcissist. 10 years. All the promises of "going to Hawaii together", "someday we will have to do that.." didn't come. He went on his own trips doing what he liked to do, I stayed home working. My days off , I would have loved to explore the coastline with the man I loved, but he was off doing what he needed to do for himself. We have so many common interests, we seemed like the perfect couple.10 years. On my 50th birthday, he took me to a nice dinner with some old friends of mine that never warmed up to him very well. Alcohol was involved, we argued, I stood up for myself in a bold alcohol way and said, "I have had enough of your bullying, it is my birthday, stop the car, I am getting out of here." He didn't stop the car. He wouldn't let me out. He grabbed my hair pulled my head down on the console and beat the side of my face . I Took pictures to prove it. He denied it, I have proof, made copies and mailed to him to see what he did . He didn't believe he did that to me ..He claims he was trying to protect me from falling out of the car, that is what he told the arresting officers... It has been a year and half since this incident with hours and hours of grief, healing, therapy. He feels horrible,lost the woman he loves.Still makes excuses for his behavior that night, turns it back on me ,that I shouldn't have tryed to leave the car. Says he "only slapped me with a back hand"...I remember the truth, I have photos to prove it. I want to let go of this emotional baggage, try to find a way to forgive to lighten my heart and move on in my life without resentment, without anger...so hard to do. I pray , I meditate, I take long walks on the beach...somehow, I cannot find that peace of mind, only see glimmers in the distance He wants forgiveness and has hopes we will be able to reconcile, he loves me with as much heart as he is able to give. I picked up the book, Emotional Freedom this a.m. it was speaking to me from my bookshelf.. I went on this site and saw the video of Judith speaking about narcissists... THEY DONT CHANGE! Thank You Judith. Not another 10 years. Thank you!

SgtCrom commented on 13-Nov-2009 07:15 AM

Anita, just get away from him. Please. There is nothing you can do. In fact, your empathy is actually going to make it worse for you. It is a common MISCONCEPTION that narcissists have no empathy or feelings. They do have them but only for themselves. If you have real empathy, the narcissist will play you like a fiddle and drain your spirit away. The Buddha was once asked if he taught everyone equally. The Buddha replied "Does the farmer cast his seed on fertile soil or bare rock?" For your own sake, please stop casting your seed on bare rock. Nothing will grow there. From my experience with 2 malignant narcissist parents, the only cure for the victim of the narcissist is NO CONTACT. Get away from this creep.

Are You An Emotional Vampire? Take this quiz

Dr. Orloff - Saturday, January 03, 2009

Dear Community,

Here is a quiz from my new book Emotional Freedom. I often get asked the wonderful question; What do I do if I'm draining someone? I love this question because it is honest and means that the person is ready for change. We all have a little vampire in us at different times. Please read my article on the subject at http://www.drjudithorloff.com/Free-Articles/Emotional-Vampire.htm. Be compassionate with yourself in this inquiry, and applaud your desire to make change.

With love,
Judith
Emotional Freedom available at http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307338185?ie=UTF8&tag=wwwdrjudithor-20&linkCode=as2&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=0307338185

Quiz: Are You An Emotional Vampire?

   1. Do people avoid you or glaze over during a conversation?
   2. Are you self-obsessed?
   3. Are you often negative?
   4. Do you gossip or bad-mouth people?
   5. Are you critical or controlling?
   6. Are you a drama queen or king?
   7. Do you corner people and tell them your life's story?
   8. Are an emotional black hole, but won’t get help?

Your score: 0 Congratulations! There are no signs that you are being an emotional vampire.
Your score: 1 This behavior could very well be draining others. Start being mindful of when do this and begin to shift the behavior. Then see if people are relieved.
Your score: 2   These are warning signs that you may becoming emotionally draining to others. Ask yourself what is motivating you to engage is these draining behaviors and move forward to make positive changes.

Your score: 3   You are showing some definite emotional vampire tendencies. It is time to compassionately examine your behaviors and begin to make a change. Do not beat yourself up. Be proud that you can be emotionally honest and want to be more positive.

Your score: 4. You are showing moderate emotional vampire tendencies. Take a breath. Begin to tackle each behavior individually over time and take baby steps to change. For instance, if you tend to be self-obsessed you can begin to ask others about themselves. Celebrate every change you make to be supportive.

Your score: 5   You are showing moderate-strong emotional vampire behaviors. You may ask your loved ones if they feel drained by a specific behavior--such as nagging or being critical. Then you can begin to be mindful of when you fall into it and start to change.

Your score: 6   You are showing strong emotional vampire behaviors. You may ask your loved ones if they feel drained by a specific behavior--such as being negative but being unwilling to get help. Seriously consider their suggestions about how to improve your communication. Be compassionate with yourself all along the way.

Your score: 7 You are showing strong-extremely strong emotional vampire behaviors Be kind to yourself and set out to make small changes to improve one behavior at a time.

Your score: 8 You have extremely strong emotional vampire behaviors that can be draining others in your life. Commend yourself for your honesty, but begin to understand what motivates you. Is it fear? Feeling less-than? Angry? Don't hesitate to ask for help--from friends who can offer honest feedback or a therapist. People around you will appreciate the positive changes you make.

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Judith Orloff M.D. is a psychiatrist and author of Second Sight, Emotional Freedom and Positive Energy. www.drjudithorloff.com

New Starred Review of Emotional Freedom in Publisher's Weekly!

Dr. Orloff - Monday, November 24, 2008

PUBLISHERS WEEKLY STARRED REVIEW OF EMOTIONAL FREEDOM 11/24/08

Dear Readers,

I am so thrilled to share this review of my new book hot off the press today! It gives you a good idea of some of the themes of the book. Thankyou with all my heart for all your support in my work and writing.

Judith

*Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life Judith Orloff, M.D. Harmony, (416p) ISBN 978-0-307-33818-1

Orloff (Second Sight) offers a superbly written series of psychological strategies for maximizing positive emotions and minimizing toxic ones. A practicing psychiatrist, the author straddles the worlds of mainstream medicine and alternative healing; she regards emotions as a training ground for the soul, and views “every victory over fear, anxiety, and resentment as a way to develop your spiritual muscles.” As the self is the foundation for emotional freedom, the author discusses how readers can find their emotional type—intellectual, empathic, rock or gusher—and suggests how to find balance. Her tips include avoiding “emotional vampires” or consulting dreams, which she divides into three types: psychological (where fears and neuroses express themselves), predictive and guidance. The second half of the book tackles the most difficult life challenges: depression, loneliness, anxiety, frustration, rejection, grief, envy and bitterness. Orloff addresses each fully and frankly, using anecdotes from her own life and practice—the death of her mother, her own crippling envy. This insightful and positive book will assist anyone who is suffering in mapping a path out of pain. (Mar.)

Available for discounted preorder on amazon at http//www.amazon.com/gp/product/0307338185/ref=cm_plog_item_link

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Judith Orloff M.D. is a psychiatrist and author of Second Sight, Emotional Freedom and Positive Energy. www.drjudithorloff.com

Emotional Freedom: My New Book!

Dr. Orloff - Friday, October 31, 2008

Dear Wonderful Community,

I am excited to announce that my new book EMOTIONAL FREEDOM is available on amazon for preorders now!

GO HERE TO PREORDER: www.drjudithorloff.com/shop

It’s about how to transform negative emotions such as fear, worry, and frustration into courage, calm, and patience. I also describe how to identify your “emotional type” and combat emotional vampires who can agitate your mood. Every step we make in the direction towards emotional freedom lets us be heroes in our own lives and creates a ripple effect to the world so that we can create positive change. It is so essential that we make a commitment not to lead a fear driven life and do our best to overcome fear with faith, staying in the "Now" instead of catastrophizing, listening to our intuition instead of just our overactive heads. I wrote Emotional Freedom as a guidebook with everyday strategies to overcome negativity in all its seductive forms, so we can move towards what is best and brightest in ourselves. I am presenting emotions as a path to spiritual awakening and to a more compassionate consciousness toward yourself and others.

My fondest hope is this book can help you find peace and centeredness in these tumultuous, soul-stretching times we live in.

Judith Orloff

Note: I also have a companion DVD and CD “Introduction to Emotional Freedom” available on www.drjudithorloff.com/shop

Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life

Judith Orloff, M.D.

Picture yourself in a traffic jam but feeling utterly calm. Or not letting your supervisor’s bad mood frustrate you. Imagine being peaceful instead of worrying. Or enjoying nurturing relationships and a warm sense of belonging in the place of loneliness. This is what it feels like when you’ve achieved emotional freedom.

National bestselling author Dr. Judith Orloff invites you to take a remarkable journey. One where can embrace more happiness and serenity. Where you can gain mastery over negativity that can pervade daily life. No matter how stressed you currently feel, the time for positive change is now. You possess the ability to liberate yourself from depression, anger, and fear. True emotional freedom is closer than you think.

Synthesizing neuroscience, intuitive medicine, psychological and subtle energy techniques, Dr. Orloff maps the elegant relationships between our minds, bodies, spirits, and our environments. With humor and compassion, she shows you how to identify the most powerful negative emotions and how to transform them into hope, kindness, and courage. Compelling patient case-studies, stories from her on-line community and workshop participants, and from her own private life illustrate the simple, easy-to-follow action steps that you can take to cope with emotional vampires, disappointments, and rejection.

Emotional Freedom is a road map for those who are stressed out, discouraged, or overwhelmed as well as for those who are in a good emotional place but want to feel even better. As Dr. Orloff shows, each day presents opportunities for us to be heroes in our own lives: to turn away from negativity, react constructively, and seize command of any situation. Complete emotional freedom is within your grasp.

JUDITH ORLOFF, M.D., is a psychiatrist in private practice and an Assistant Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at UCLA. She is the author of the bestsellers Positive Energy, Dr. Judith Orloff’s Guide to Intuitive Healing, and Second Sight. For more information and inspiration visit www.drjudithorloff.com

Also available as an eBook and audio book

Advanced Praise for Dr. Judith Orloff’s “Emotional Freedom”

Emotional Freedom is a heartfelt, accessible guide to the graceland of peace and calm--regardless of our parents, our past, or our present. It's loaded with nuggets of practical and profound healing wisdom."
Christiane Northrup, MD
Author, Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom

A must read for anyone who’s tired of feeling frustrated, lonely, jealous, or emotionally tense. Dr. Orloff shows you how to achieve a lightness of being and feel more peaceful and positive. Highly recommended.
Deepak Chopra
Author, The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

Spectacular! I endorse this book so heartily because it gives a unique blend of the author’s personal and professional experience to enlighten us and it’s a totally fascinating read. I recommend it to everyone who wants to overcome sabotaging emotional patterns to achieve self-mastery.
Candace Pert Ph.D. author of Molecules of Emotion

EMOTIONAL FREEDOM combines neuroscience, psychology, and spirituality to present a new approach for freeing yourself from negative emotions. Scientific studies document that people who often feel lonely, angry, or depressed are more likely to get sick. This book offers you a path to greater health, intimacy, and compassion.
Dean Ornish, MD
Author, The Spectrum

If you, like myself, wish for a deeper and truer life, a wiser understanding of yourself and your emotions, this book will provide you with answers, with companionship, and, most powerful of all, the clarity and faith of an extraordinary teacher.
Mary Oliver
Pulitizer Prize winning poet

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Judith Orloff M.D. is a psychiatrist and author of Second Sight, Emotional Freedom and Positive Energy. www.drjudithorloff.com

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Sneak preview of Dr. Orloff's Dec PBS Special "Emotional Freedom Now!”

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Suicide: A Beyond Time and Space Perspective

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Suicide: A Perspective Beyond Time and Space

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If It Be Your Will

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Animals and the power of Love

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Get 100 free gifts with Emotional Freedom!

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How To Deal With A Narcissist-A Topic From Emotional Freedom

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Are You An Emotional Vampire? Take this quiz

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New Starred Review of Emotional Freedom in Publisher's Weekly!

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Emotional Freedom: My New Book!

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