Dr Judith Orloff's Blog

The 4 Laws of Energetic Attraction

Judith Orloff - Monday, October 10, 2011

Are you longing for relationships that do your heart good and generate stronger connections? In my book, Positive Energy I discuss how to radically improve your health and relationships by bringing positive people and situations into your life. Knowing about energy can transform your ability to build positive relationships, prevent loneliness and ward off fatigue. By making the energetic shifts described here, you can draw good things to you.

Law No. 1: We attract who we are.

The more positive energy we give off, the more we’ll receive. Ditto for negativity. It works like this: Love attracts love. Grumpiness attracts grumpiness. Passion attracts passion. Rage attracts rage.

First, define what being positive does and doesn’t mean for you in terms of attitude and behavior. Don’t worry if you’re far from a positive place. It’s an evolution. Give thought to what you value most in yourself or other. You can then strengthen these traits in yourself, and attract the same.

The idea is to find reciprocally nourishing interactions, not to win a popularity contest. (Of course, it feels good to be liked. But I’ve seen this need turn into addiction.) The following exercise will help you boost your positive signals.

  • Identify your best qualities and project them to the world. Before meeting new people or going to important events, prime yourself. Think, “I’m not going to focus on my insecurity but on a strength like my sensitivity, compassion or humor; I’m going to feel and trust the positive energy inside me. I’m going to claim my full power.” Such selective attention puts your best parts front and center.
  • Law No. 2: Intuition clarifies smart choices.

    Relationships are tricky; they can be a big blur even when your eyes are open. We’ve learned to draw conclusions from surface data: how nice someone seems, looks or is educated, or how a situation adds up on paper. But attraction goes deeper; to make it work for you, other ingredients must be considered. Respect your intuitions about relationships and identify those that highlight compatible matches.

    What may obscure the picture is anxiety or intense sexual attraction. If so, go slow until you get a keener intuitive read. In my book, Positive Energy I give exercises to help train you to act from instinct, not impulse.

  • Tune in. Choose a relationship or situation that needs clarification – perhaps you’re confused about a friendship or vacation. Run it by your intuition criteria: Do you feel troubled and nervous or energized and safe?
  • Act on vibes. Insecurity, ego, lust or stubbornness can obscure your better judgment. If a person feels positive, explore the possibilities. If the vibes are mixed, take a pass or at least wait. If all you sense is negative, have the courage to walk away, no matter how tempting the option seems. Then observe how listening to energy in this way leads you to the juiciest opportunities.
  • Law No. 3: Seeing the best in people magnetizes them.

    Instead of reflexively accentuating the worst in a person or situation, choose to energize positive qualities. The object isn’t to flatter, make nice, be politically correct or ignore intuitive red flags – nor to deny someone’s dark side or placate abusers. Your goal is to mine the gold in positive relationships and elevate the communication in more difficult ones.

    We want to have the goodness in us acknowledges. If you want to connect with someone, notice his or her assets. Let’s say a co-worker is snitty. Realize that happy people don’t act this way. So instead of being snitty back or constantly miffed, redirect the energy. Comment on the long hours she puts in, or her dynamite shoes. Use this approach for a week – as well as the ones below – and watch the vibes change.

  • Tell at least two people you love what you’re grateful for about them.
  • Tell at least two people you don’t love what you’re grateful for about them.
  • Adjust your perception. Spend an afternoon noticing the positive qualities of everyone you meet.
  • Praise other people’s abilities.
  • Law No. 4: Soulful giving generates abundance.

    Giving is supposed to feel good; if not, something’s wrong. Soulful giving enlarges your capacity to be more caring – you give for the joy of it, expecting nothing in return. In contrast, codependent giving bleeds life force; it’s driven by obligation, guilt or a martyr-complex, and it leaves the giver feeling sucked dry, unappreciated and put upon.

    You want to give for reasons that energize you, not because you’re taking inappropriate responsibility for others. The following strategies will generate bountiful vibes for you and the receiver. If you give from your heart, your vitality will soar.

  • Give spontaneously. Any time is right to offer simple tokens of appreciation to friends or colleagues; a candle, rose, small plant, fragrant soap or funny card.
  • Give anonymously. Walk an old lady across the street; hold open an elevator; let a car go before you in traffic; or do something nice behind the scenes for someone, but don’t get found out. Such good deeds add light to your energy field and ultimately draw the same goodness back to you. As a 14-year-old friend told me, “The best way to cheer yourself up is to cheer up someone else.”
  • Use these “laws” to mobilize excellence and kindness in your relationships. Emphatically say “no” to anything that doesn’t further the heart. Cheer each success. Don’t cheat your joy by jumping too quickly to the next ambition. Instead, pledge to value even the tiniest of triumphs. That’s what the art of positive living is about.


    Judith Orloff, MD is author of The Empath's Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People, upon which her articles are based. Dr. Orloff is a psychiatrist, an empath, and is on the UCLA Psychiatric Clinical Faculty. She synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition, energy, and spirituality. Dr. Orloff also specializes in treating empaths and highly sensitive people in her private practice. Dr. Orloff’s work has been featured on The Today Show, CNN, the Oprah Magazine and USA Today. She is a New York Times best-selling author of Emotional Freedom, The Power of Surrender, Second Sight, Positive Energy, and Guide to Intuitive Healing. Connect with Judith on  Facebook and  Twitter. To learn more about empaths and her free empath support newsletter as well as Dr. Orloff's books and workshop schedule, visit her website.

    Lisa commented on 17-Nov-2011 04:26 PM
    I LOVE this advice, and it is so true, the best way to cheer up yourself is to cheer up someone else. GIVE from the heart! I rehabilitate horses, and that kind of giving produces so much love, happiness, trust and peace...I've never known that with humans
    but with animals, its all right there in front of me. I knit hats for preemie babies and cancer patients, I never know who receives them but I know I give love, I give warmth, and it gives me joy and peace.
    Sonja commented on 17-Nov-2011 04:32 PM
    Awesome advice! Thank you for helping me stay positive :)
    Rick Malinowski commented on 17-Nov-2011 04:38 PM
    Thank you for reminding me how powerful being positive can be for me and those around me. Yesterday, I practiced this with a person close to me and wow did it make a difference. Instead of dwelling on her negative qualities, I activley complimented her
    on genuine positive things I was grateful for and what she did well. Honestly, it made me feel better. When she made a negative comment, I ignored it and looked for a positive thing to say shortly after. The difference was rapid and astounding. Her mood lightened
    and she seemed to enjoy herself a lot more. I really enjoyed reading Emotional Freedom and look forward to reading Positive Energy. It is also especially helpful that you have experienced and are willing to share your own challenges and successes. Best, Rick
    christy commented on 17-Nov-2011 07:00 PM
    I absolutly agree ! Thank you once again Judith.
    Bernard-Charles commented on 17-Nov-2011 11:02 PM
    Judith, This has been a great reminder of how much we can actually do to transform our lives. Very insightful. Certainly, I have practiced some of these tips. They do work. Positive emotion can shapeshift your most crucial downfall. It is a beautiful concept.
    Thank you.
    Wendy commented on 17-Nov-2011 11:34 PM
    Wow!! This post really helped me to reframe and refocus my intentions about what I put out there in the big wide world as well as what I seek and notice in other people. I had briefly forgotten how to embrace the positive in the midst of the hustle/bustle
    of my life's details. Love this. Thank you for this reminder.
    Eleanor Newton commented on 18-Nov-2011 01:26 AM
    Beautiful wise words from an inspiring women, i could not have gone through my awakening experience without your books to become a healer. And realize although my perception of the world as i know it had changed others have similar experiences. Thank you
    from the bottom of my heart you are more important than you know Kindest Regards Eleanor newton
    Jackie commented on 18-Nov-2011 04:28 AM
    This is so timely. Your article has helped me clarify the meaning of certain 'vibes' I've picked up from contacts I have made yesterday. I have recently read your emotional freedom book and have been amazed at how it how easy your words 'flow into me'
    Having read this article I think it's time for me to buy another book of yours. Thank you so much!
    Ted Leonido commented on 18-Nov-2011 06:09 PM
    Thank you for this wonderful confirmation! I have been appreciating my coworkers with unconditional words and acts of appreciation and the program I work at has recently won an award based on patient survey. Like attracts like:)
    Nancy Windheart commented on 21-Nov-2011 11:15 AM
    Thank you so much for this post. I find myself recommending your work to my animal communication students and clients so often, and will share this post as well. Many blessings to you!
    Raquel commented on 25-Nov-2011 09:33 AM
    Thank you for sharing so much good information with us. It is very helpful. You encourage me each time not to loose hope but to continue putting into practice the tools you have recommended. Thanks once again! Lots of love and blessings Judith!
    Walt Gottesman commented on 12-Dec-2011 09:35 PM
    Thank you Judith, for the joy of reading your freely given words of mindful wisdom once again. When I found your book Second Sight, in a Borders Bookstore, in 1998, I couldn't put it down. Borders is gone now but your uplifting insights, like all wise
    words, endure. May you be gifted with peace, much love and many blessings!
    Sherrie commented on 21-Jan-2012 06:32 PM
    It�s very effortless to find out any topic on net as compared to textbooks, as I found this post at this site.
    Mary commented on 14-May-2012 05:33 AM
    I love your books and have several. Thank you for all your inspiring writings and sharing of your life experiences and knowledge. Mary (Florida resident)
    Anonymous commented on 21-Oct-2014 10:47 AM
    This is a very useful post, I was looking for this info. thanks for sharing the great ideas...
    Anonymous commented on 04-Dec-2014 12:59 PM
    How do I know if its fear or intuition??

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