Dr Judith Orloff's Blog

How to Know if You're an Empath

Dr. Orloff - Monday, July 25, 2011
How to Know if You're an Empath by Judith Orloff M.D.

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Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s New York Times Bestseller, Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life (Three Rivers Press, 2011)

Empaths are highly sensitive, finely tuned instruments when it comes to emotions. They feel everything, sometimes to an extreme, and are less apt to intellectualize feelings. Intuition is the filter through which they experience the world. Empaths are naturally giving, spiritually attuned, and good listeners. If you want heart, empaths have got it. Through thick and thin, they’re there for you, world-class nurturers.

The trademark of empaths is that they know where you’re coming from. Some can do this without taking on people’s feelings. However, for better or worse, others, like myself and many of my patients, can become angst-sucking sponges. This often overrides the sublime capacity to absorb positive emotions and all that is beautiful. If empaths are around peace and love, their bodies assimilate these and flourish. Negativity, though, often feels assaultive, exhausting. Thus, they’re particularly easy marks for emotional vampires, whose fear or rage can ravage empaths. As a subconscious defense, they may gain weight as a buffer. When thin, they’re more vulnerable to negativity, a missing cause of overeating explored in my book Positive Energy. Plus, an empath’s sensitivity can be overwhelming in romantic relationships; many stay single since they haven’t learned to negotiate their special cohabitation needs with a partner.

When empaths absorb the impact of stressful emotions, it can trigger panic attacks, depression, food, sex and drug binges, and a plethora of physical symptoms that defy traditional medical diagnosis from fatigue to agorophobia. Since I’m an empath, I want to help all my empath-patients cultivate this capacity and be comfortable with it.

Empathy doesn’t have to make you feel too much all the time. Now that I can center myself and refrain from shouldering civilization’s discontents, empathy continues to make me freer, igniting my compassion, vitality, and sense of the miraculous. To determine whether you’re an emotional empath, take the following quiz.

QUIZ: AM I AN EMPATH?

Ask yourself:

  • Have I been labeled as “too emotional” or overly sensitive?
  • If a friend is distraught, do I start feeling it too?
  • Are my feelings easily hurt?
  • Am I emotionally drained by crowds, require time alone to revive?
  • Do my nerves get frayed by noise, smells, or excessive talk?
  • Do I prefer taking my own car places so that I can leave when I please?
  • Do I overeat to cope with emotional stress?
  • Am I afraid of becoming engulfed by intimate relationships?
  • If you answer “yes” to 1-3 of these questions, you’re at least part empath. Responding “yes” to more than 3 indicates that you’ve found your emotional type.

    Recognizing that you’re an empath is the first step in taking charge of your emotions instead of constantly drowning in them. Staying on top of empathy will improve your self-care and relationships.

    Emotional Action Step. How To Find Balance

    Practice these strategies to center yourself.

  • Allow quiet time to emotionally decompress. Get in the habit of taking calming mini-breaks throughout the day. Breathe in some fresh air. Stretch. Take a short walk around the office. These interludes will reduce the excessive stimulation of going non-stop.
  • Practice guerilla meditation. To counter emotional overload, act fast and meditate for a few minutes. This centers your energy so you don’t take it on from others.
  • Define and honor your empathic needs. Safeguard your sensitivities. Here’s how.
  • If someone asks too much of you, politely tell them “no.” It’s not necessary to explain why. As the saying goes, “No is a complete sentence.”
  • If your comfort level is three hours max for socializing--even if you adore the people--take your own car or have an alternate transportation plan so you’re not stranded.
  • If crowds are overwhelming, eat a high-protein meal beforehand (this grounds you) and sit in the far corner of, say, a theatre or party, not dead center.
  • If you feel nuked by perfume, nicely request that your friends refrain from wearing it around you. If you can’t avoid it, stand near a window or take frequent breaks to catch a breath of fresh air outdoors.
  • If you overeat to numb negative emotions, practice the guerilla meditation mentioned above, before you’re lured to the refrigerator, a potential vortex of temptation. As an emergency measure, keep a cushion by the fridge so you can be poised to meditate instead of binge.
  • Carve out private space at home. Then you won’t be stricken by the feeling of too much togetherness. (Chapter 8 discusses nontraditional living settings compatible with an empath’s comfort zone.)
  • Over time, I suggest adding to this list to keep yourself covered. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel each time you’re on emotional overload. With pragmatic strategies to cope, empaths can have quicker retorts, feel safer, and their talents can blossom.

    Comments
    Paul M commented on 27-Jul-2011 01:21 PM
    This is a great article, Dr. Orloff, and something that could help others.
    Judy A. Kessinger commented on 30-Jul-2011 03:47 PM
    Hi Miss Orloff, Thank You for writing Positve Energy. I have now learned by reading this book why I have felt "different", taking on the energy of others, etc. I recognize and pay attention to my own intuition and know it is not me. I plan on reading your
    other writings to get me to my best own self!! Thank You and God Bless Judy
    Midwest M.D. commented on 30-Jul-2011 07:20 PM
    Eureka!!! Amazing! Thank God that I "chanced" upon your work while searching Amazon! You may have just saved my life, and I'm not understating in the slightest. I've been told since my Medical School years in the Southwest that I'm "empathic." I thought
    it just meant that I could really connect with my patients, but other times it seemed to be observed as a drawback. Now I finally get it. Take an empathic person, put them through years of childhood abuse, dissociation, forced intellectualization, and then
    watch them try to maintain when their natural bent puts them in the healing professions! This makes more sense to me than anything I've learned in my lifetime. Thank-you. I'm now a fan for life. PS: Wanted to leave an email address, but afraid it might be
    published.
    Denise Grenhart commented on 31-Jul-2011 09:32 AM
    Ms Orloff, thank you for your explanation of an empath. How long I have wondered what is "wrong" with me! I seem to attract those people who absolutely drain my energy. People see me as the strong one, but on the inside, I am absorbing the sadness and
    chaos that is all around me. Your empath quiz was a real eye opener - I could not have described myself better if I tried! Thank you for your work!
    Leanne commented on 06-Aug-2011 07:48 AM
    This is a breath of fresh air to me. I've been trying to figure my boyfriend of 3 years out. This really sums him up and knowing about some of his past I understand how this can be relative to him. We are moving in together and he wants a separate room
    and needs his space. I pesonally am a people person and would be happy together all the time and think nothing of it. He has always said that he can't explain it and does not understand himself so doesn't expect me to. If I can understand him, I can compromise
    more. Knowing what the issue may be helps. This blog my just turn my relationship around.... Thank you.
    Ann commented on 06-Aug-2011 05:44 PM
    69yrs it has taken me to realize I am an empath- now I can understand my relationships and the events in my life, my choices - and most of all how to deal with emotions and accept myself and enjoy being me. Thank you
    Carolyn commented on 27-Oct-2011 11:40 PM
    A chance comment and a quick search led me here and I am so relieved.
    kathleen commented on 01-Nov-2011 09:20 PM
    I am so stunned after reading this, I cant stress enough how a weight has been lifted of my shoulders,six months ago i went to the doctor in tears fearing i was losing my mind as i fitted in to so many categorises including depression, anxiety, antisocial
    and over sensitive,its so strange,i have taken time of work to try and figure out what is wrong with me and by pure chance i stumble across this page!! thanks so much!!
    Anonymous commented on 14-Nov-2011 02:07 PM
    Thank you!!! I now know what's "wrong" with me!
    Anonymous commented on 04-Dec-2011 07:14 PM
    Im your average teenager. And I found out about being an empath a few weeks ago. I guess learning I was an empath and how to control it really help me understand myself better! Thank You For Having This Website! It was one of my resources!
    Anonymous commented on 08-Jan-2012 06:01 PM
    I am thirteen and apparently an empath. Your website really helped me to manage it better.A thousand thanks!
    Toni commented on 22-Feb-2012 01:07 PM
    WOW now I know why I feel like I do! My mother use to say I would cry while watching the Lassie show yet when I got older she told me I was "acting" and called me Sarah Burnheart... I knew I wasn't acting and I told my friend before I moved in I cry at
    the drop of a hat. Later we became b/f & g/f and his ex told him my crying was a way I manipulated him. Since everything goes his way I asked him how am I manipulating him? He had to admit I was right and the ex was wrong. She still tries to assinate me by
    telling him lies, I believe it is because even though she is married she still wants him (she told me that) and would do anything to get him back... Thank you Dr Orloff
    Kye Sangha commented on 14-Apr-2012 05:37 PM
    My entire life, by people who were being complete abusive creeps, I've been told that I'm "too sensitive"... To me now, that phrase means, "I'm emotionally abusing you & don't like it that you're not just sucking it up." My partner now tells me this, at
    times, and it makes me so sad, because I am starting to plan to leave...and I don't want to, but I just can't seem to learn the skills to protect myself. Maybe, for some of us, being alone is just better.

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