Dr Judith Orloff's Blog

How to Attract Positive People in Your Life

Judith Orloff - Monday, October 08, 2012

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff's ”Positive Energy: 10 Extraordinary Prescriptions for Transforming Fatigue, Stress, and Fear into Vibrance, Strength, and Love ”

Are you longing for relationships that do your heart good and generate stronger connections? Tired of poor choices? Tepid chemistry? Want a more commanding role in who you attract? Knowing about energy can transform your modus operandi in this not-always-easy area to prevent loneliness and insidious fatigue. Then, no longer in an endless uphill battle, all systems are “go” for achieving your fondest dreams.

In my book, Positive Energy I discuss how to generate the positive energy of attraction: that mysterious, seemingly elusive magnetism between us. It masterminds love, friendship, work, and the chemistry of shared ventures. Attraction’s opposite is repulsion or aversion, the force that pushes away. As a psychiatrist, I work with my patients to help them grasp the energetic exchange between people - those who give energy, and those who drain it. Though attraction is often paired with appearance, IQ, bank account, or charm, these aren’t enough to summon such blessings. Doing so depends on realizing that you don’t just want attention; you want the right kind. The level of attraction I’m referring to has to do with life essences jibbing, a byproduct of both karma and smarts. You can’t completely control it, but you can modify your vibes to maximize possibilities.

How can we harness this intriguing alchemy to bring yearned-for prospects to us? The crux is to strive to energetically embody what we want to attract. For starters, take at look at where you’re at now. This entails nailing down parameters for what being positive does and doesn’t mean in terms of attitude and behavior. Once you’re definitive about this, you can strengthen these traits in yourself, and attract the same. What sets positive people apart is a determination to do their best, and not succumb to what’s negative in themselves or externals. Here is how I see it:

Positive people are:

  • Committed to developing compassion towards themselves and others, and having an open heart
  • Courageous about following their dreams
  • Those who seek to be authentic and believe in themselves, even when externals are crumbling
  • Aware of their darkside, and are trying to heal it
  • Willing to learn from mistakes
  • Positive people aren’t:
  • Perfect, phony, or positive all the time
  • Beating themselves to a pulp over shortcomings or a black hole of pessimism
  • Constantly mired in fear or tolerant of letting their hearts harden
  • Squeaky clean do-gooders who neglect their own well-being.
  • Saccharine pleasers who ignore their darkside and unconsciously act it out at the expense of others.
  • 4 Strategies to Attract Positive People and Situations in Your Life

    Energy doesn’t simply have an on-off switch. Just as a radio emits has a volume control, you can adjust your vibes. You can amp them up with some people, tone them down with others. Here’s how to boost your positive signals.

    1. Identify your best parts and speak from them.
    Pinpoint your finest qualities. Perhaps irreverence, sensitivity, compassion, humor--then project them to the world. By speaking up and stepping out of your comfort zone you’re enlarging your energy field. Before meeting new people or going to important events prime yourself. Take a break for an inner pep talk. Think, “I’m not going to focus on my insecurity but on a strength; I’m going to feel and trust the positive energy inside me. I’m going to claim my full power.” Such a selective attention device puts your best parts front and center. Then, perspective shifted, it’s easier to confidently move forward. You can’t overdo this approach. Use it routinely. Making a choice about where you’re coming from focuses your energy.

    2. Extend love outward.
    Love creates an irresistible charisma, a warm glow that makes us and others happy. You can send it in any situation, a nurturing that won’t drain us. How? Focus on your heart, and envision something you love. A flock of seagulls. Your son’s smile. A blooming rose. Then, during a conversation, inwardly ask, “Let love flow through me.” Feel it rise from your chest; notice a sense of heat, serenity, a radiance. These energies move outward. People soften around it, feel safe, and want more. So, when standing by your boss start pumping away. Loving energy smoothes the rough edges of any circumstance, facilitates rapport. Try it even if you don’t like someone, but seek to get along better.

    3. Regularly Meditate
    Happiness can be increased by meditating. Cutting edge brain research confirms that we all have a certain mood set point, a range of feelings we usually inhabit. But with regular meditation, it’s been shown that we can alter our habitual moods towards the positive. In chapter 2 of Positive Energy I describe a simple but powerful 3 minute mini meditation to open your heart center. Use this method. When feelings surface during meditation, monitor them. Focus on what’s uplifting, not the swirl of negative emotions. Use your breath to center yourself. This inner turnabout transmutes pessimism to something higher. Subsequently, your vibes change; others will respond.

    4. Commit to Emotional Housecleaning
    Consistently chipping away at the negative makes room for more positivity in yourself. Self-awareness is our greatest ally against fear. Psychotherapy, introspection, meditation, journaling, and/or talking with friends all further healing. As negativity remits, you become more alluring.

    Remember when doing this work not to hold idealized expectations, everyone--including yourself!--has irritating/challenging/disappointing aspects. We all have foibles. Even so, you can legitimately hope to personify and attract others fighting their way out of the muck with an open heart and sense of humor. These are my heroes and friends.


    Judith Orloff, MD is author of The Empath's Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People, upon which her articles are based. Dr. Orloff is a psychiatrist, an empath, and is on the UCLA Psychiatric Clinical Faculty. She synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition, energy, and spirituality. Dr. Orloff also specializes in treating empaths and highly sensitive people in her private practice. Dr. Orloff’s work has been featured on The Today Show, CNN, the Oprah Magazine and USA Today. She is a New York Times best-selling author of Emotional Freedom, The Power of Surrender, Second Sight, Positive Energy, and Guide to Intuitive Healing. Connect with Judith on  Facebook and  Twitter. To learn more about empaths and her free empath support newsletter as well as Dr. Orloff's books and workshop schedule, visit her website.

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    Wendy Gillespie commented on 09-Oct-2012 11:01 AM
    Thank you Dr. Orloff for this inspiring information ! I am experiencing several negative individuals in my life right now and it is a challenge to stay cheerful in their presence. I am going to reread your book more thoroughly now as a guide to navigate these rough waters. You have a wonderful gift that you are sharing with the world, especially now when people need to hear it, thank you again.
    Noah commented on 09-Oct-2012 11:32 AM
    Thanks for that Judith, One of the best posts I've seen in a long time. Simple, accurate and to the point. You've done a great job synthesizing seemingly complex interactions into an easy to understand guide. I've been working with Ram Dass' foundation Love Serve Remember and he has a new video called Cultivating Loving Awareness coming out mid-November which I think you might enjoy. It certainly seems to be in the same realm as the things you're speaking about. Also, I do digital media strategy (social media, web analytics, consulting) for a living and if you ever need any assistance I'm always up for helping. I really enjoyed this, thanks again.
    Susan Ritchey commented on 09-Oct-2012 12:37 PM
    I enjoyed reading your blog. I work as a social worker for a city government. When you used the term "emotional housekeeping", it "stuck" with me. I plan on borrowing that term and using it with my clients. Yes, I agree, we all need to seek out positive relationships, not only with others, but ourselves.
    Helen commented on 09-Oct-2012 12:55 PM
    Thank you for the great article.

    I really enjoyed your talk at the Open Center in New York. I met some really positive people there to. Looking forward to seeing you again.

    Thanks very much for so generously sharing what you have learned - it is a real blessing.
    Walter Gottesman commented on 09-Oct-2012 02:10 PM
    Thanks Dr. J, for the great advice - as usual - intuitive, but also scientific, clearly expressed and easy to understand. Every time in the past 15 years that I've read something you've written I've felt uplifted. May many blessings and much joy return to you for all the good that you do.
    Anonymous commented on 09-Oct-2012 07:10 PM
    Ironically, all those traits in the "positive people are" and the "positive people aren't" perfectly describe the two most negative/depressing people I've ever known.
    Bobbie commented on 09-Oct-2012 08:56 PM
    I drink in what you share like crystal clean water and am blessed. Thank you for all the help and love you give!
    Susie commented on 10-Oct-2012 06:37 AM
    Great advice, Judith. I really liked your Secon sight. I look forward reading your recent book, Positive Energy, in Italian (it's not so easy for me to read English...) Italian edition was expected for may 2012 but is not yet available. Do you know when it will be published? Thanks!
    Meg commented on 10-Oct-2012 09:08 AM
    Judith, you are a great mentor and inspiration to me!Long ago you brought me to a place of being friends with my intuition again, and you continue to lead me down the best paths! So many people aren't even aware that they can attract positive people into their lives, or aware that they themselves attract with their vibration the exact match of themselves. Keep leading and guiding; you are a shining light in the community of level-headed intuitives! Thank you as always.
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    Shelley Rogers commented on 10-Oct-2012 10:51 AM
    Thank you for your post. I had worked as a Occupational Therapist for 26 years. When I encountered a uniquely objectionable patient I used the LOVE pump method you described in step 2. It always worked. I have come to believe that is part of our purpose here, to pump the love that we recieve to others. If we could all be healthy open chanels for love we all would know happiness.
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